My new idol.

He can pull a lincoln loop on a jet ski, he rides a mean mechanical bull, and he has great taste in tattoos.

Yes, it's official, my new idol is: the monkey sock puppet from the Kia Sorrento commercial.



Mr. Monkey was nearly beaten out by The Most Interesting Man in the World. But the Monkey has a kick ass theme song, so he gets the nod.

Praying for the Holy Grail of Snow Conditions . . .

Once upon a time, a group of us were skiing at Alta on a day in March. It was a storm day and an honest 6-10" had fallen by early afternoon. As we hopped on Wildcat for a lap in the 'Ho, the liftie pulled the "Closed" sign across the lift line behind us. At 2:30 p.m. "That's odd," we thought.

Before we heard the thunder, we heard the lift cables sizzling. No shit -- sizzling. And then came the lightning. The liftie at the top of Wildcat was abandoning ship by the time we got to the top. Later, we would hear rumors that the hippy in the top shack at Supreme was on his megaphone yelling "Save yourselves!!" A quick run down Collins Face and we retreated to the GMD for a pitcher. The storm had gone nuclear, the lifts were closed, and people were headed for their cars. We assumed our day was over.

But is wasn't. An hour later, the front passed and the lifts started turning again. And it was ON. Two inches of windbuffed graupel coated everything. The High-T was effortless and West Rustler was buffed-out silk-tastic-ness. Everyone who had enough vision (read: luck) to wait it out spent the next hour going very, very F-A-S-T.

Why bring this up now? Because this:


sounds like an afternoon of this:

Graupel a.k.a. silky ball bearings. Pure speed.

Keep your fingers crossed . . .

The Age Old Question.

If you could be any kind of pro athlete, what would you be?

After watching the Olympics for the last two weeks, "alpine ski racer" is an intriguing choice. Alpine racing has a rich history of hairball competitors (see Exhibit A, below) and exotic locations. And you go really effing fast. What could be better? Well . . .


Exhibit A: Bill Johnson may have valued speed above all else. It eventually cost him, but not before he won gold in Sarajevo. A total stud.

MotoGP Racer. Hairball characters, exotic locations, and a throttle. And you go really, REALLY effing fast.


Il Dottore: Valentino Rossi. He has side burns, I have side burns. Coincidence?

If I could do it all over again -- I'd be an engineer. But I'd still dream of being a MotoGP racer.

Grrrrrr...

My shoulder is still f*cked. I rested it for a full four weeks, but . . . I may not have been entirely consistent with the prescribed physical therapy. And I'm pretty sure that my (now failed) Lent-time resolution of doing 100 push ups a day didn't help.

So now I'm back to wincing whenever I reach over my head with my left hand. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Frickin' Lent...

Every year at this time the vestiges of my childhood surface as I try to commit to giving up something for Lent. I have failed for as long as I can remember. But this was going to be THE year. The year that I did something drastic, something heretofore unheard of. I was going to quit drinking until Easter.

To which Grom said something like "you're an idiot." And he has a point. To poach a great line from Roger Dodger: "You drink that drink! Alcohol has been a social lubricant for thousands of years. What do you think, you're going to sit here tonight and reinvent the wheel?"

So, as Grom suggested, rather than giving something up, I'm taking something on. 100 push ups a day until April 4th. Simple, boring -- but at least I'll be able to enjoy a few bottles of pinot along the way.

Looking forward.

I've been in an athletic slump lately. I'm coming to the realization that my skis are too stiff for me, and I've been spotty at best in terms of working out. In an effort to re-energize, here is a list of upcoming events for which I've registered -- or repeatedly shot my mouth off about doing.



Wasatch Powderkeg: Dr. Off the Couch guilted me into this. I was looking for a way to bag it, but then The Wee One said she would do it with me -- in costume. Now I'm psyched.


Skiing Mt. Adams: Supposedly the second best ski line in the continental U.S., after the Hotlum-Winton, the Southwest Chutes on Mt. Adams are becoming an obsession.

The SW Chutes are the lines spilling off the false summit on the right side of the photo . . . I think.



Wahsatch Steeplechase: This year's goal is the same as last year's -- run across the line.


Speedgoat 50k: 32 miles and 10,000 feet each of ascent and descent. It's basically two Wahsatch Steeplechases, back to back, at elevation. What could go wrong?

Mid Mountain Marathon: I expect my rematch with this mofo to be the hardest of them all, but it's worth it for the downhill finish -- and the two free Heinekens.

Comedy in unlikely places.

From the gym's website: